December 2010
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it seems dumb to expect everything to change just because it’s 2011. i don’t know why i’m expecting it all to go away after midnight tonight. i guess i’m not. i guess i’m just using it as an excuse to finally stop being this monster. i will finally escape her. the 2011 version of me is not a monster.
she’s beautiful and skinny and smart as hell, getting really...
self destruction till tomorrow at midnight…. saying a final good bye to Fat Me, because she is being crucified the second the clock strikes twelve tomorrow
fuckyeahsadness:
ha ha guess who feels like shit again
fat is most definitely a feeling. and i feel very fat today, indeed.
i hate my legs
i was shit at the track meet today / oh well, i don’t really give a fuck / thinking of running on the treadmill later / running scares me / sweaty palms, nervous ticks, supersonic heart rate, jitters / i feel really full from lunch right now / i want to feel hungry / / / /
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no track practice tomorrow because of the snow / just rewatched some of the beginning episodes of skins and cried my eyes out / now i just want to sleep and maybe wake up sometime and go sledding / i need to shower / i feel empty / / / /
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goals for 2011 so far (in effect since 12/25/10)
drop 2-3 sizes in jeans to be a size 24 / get abs / start my homework as soon as i get home, and not at 10:30 at night / get above a 4.0 GPA / be a floater for lacrosse this spring / be nicer to my parents / become friends with my brother / have a decent social life / love myself
all of my cousins are so skinny and happy / i hope one day i’ll be like that too / all i want is to be a size 24 in jeans / the happy thing might take some work / / / /
merry christmas!
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